Friday, October 9, 2015

Delta Man: This weekend

A bit of advice for the weekend.

Everyone: Don’t be the first to break eye contact with any woman you happen to make eye contact with this weekend. Straight poker face.

If you are single or in a relationship and want to gain confidence: When given the opportunity talk to at least one woman you happen to be near, like the one you are standing next to in line, the cashier etc. Hell, just get out of the house and buy a few things at the grocery store and talk to the cashier if needed. Be confident and keep it short. This isn’t the moment for the ultimate Game and don’t worry about her age, status, or eligibility, it’s to get used to talking to any woman any time with poise.

If you are single: If you have a profile online and are in a dry spell send a couple of messages to women you’d normally not be too interested in. The idea is to keep conversations going and not get comfortable in your dry spell. Who knows, maybe she'll have a cute friend? It happened to me more than once.

Delta Man: Supply and demand

There have been some articles floating around lately about Tinder and the hookup culture it has fostered. This article is interesting as it Rihanna claims she’s holding out for a better man.

I have some bad news for her, the current demand for men with Game is outstripping the supply so to the victors will continue to go even more spoils. If you live in a city there are really only three requirements for consistently hooking up on Tinder. 1) Don’t be ugly 2) Be in great physical shape (show off the abs in the pics you send back) 3) Have some Game. If you don’t chase the hotties but rather focus on average women on Tinder you only need to be average in #2 and good at #3.

Rihanna is also 27 so she’s probably seeing The Wall approaching and the hottest guys are now looking at the 19-24 year olds and not her. Welcome to weaponized hypergamy hell Rihanna. The article in question also has this laughable line, “Repeatedly we’ve been hearing about the demise of millennial relationships being caused by thoughtless or lazy young men.” If only the high ranking men would settle down with me and not play the field! This closing line is also a hoot, "So, ladies, don’t waste your time having casual sex with beta males in hopes that your Prince Charming will show up." The women hooking up generally aren't having sex with low ranking men, but high ranking men because it's exactly the type of man they hope to land long term. The idea that one can "hold out" for an Alpha is delusional, as the Alphas are the ones with notches all down their bed posts by definition

The fact is that there are little to no incentives for a modern man (outside of religion) who does well with hookups to settle down unless he wants to create a more stable environment to raise children. Even then, marriage is optional. There is an endless supply of young women who believe that hookups in their early 20s are empowering, fun, and don’t think of the long term consequences. If a woman sleeps with two or three dozen men between 18 and 27 and then suddenly wants to settle down, how does she deal with that sexual history when a man asks? If a man at 30 has slept with a dozen women (or many more) in the last year alone, why would he suddenly stop with her? 

Since I'm not a heartless man I can say in reading the article that there are hints at a deep loneliness and a realization by the author that she may be on the way to a life of being single, cats, and there's a certain tragedy to this. The Western world is literally stacked against a woman who is approaching 30, ridden the Alpha carousel for years, and suddenly wants to settle down with even an average man. Average men are retreating out of the field to games and porn, have already gotten married, or looking to up their game to hookup with women. I don't like seeing people suffer, and there's a lot of suffering going around in relationships today.

As I’ve said before, your actions in hookups and dating aren’t neutral and will have long term consequences. If you are a woman reading this and are hooking up with men realize that your pool of potential husbands you’d actually like to marry shrinks with each encounter as the longer you wait the smaller the pool of eligible bachelors becomes. Men who are hooking up a lot have a different issue, which is the ability to always find another woman means long term commitment for you will be difficult even when it’s what you are desiring.  

Thursday, October 8, 2015

How and when to self-deprecate

There are times when it can be useful to self-deprecate. Particularly when one is socially dominant, self-deprecation can help put others, especially introverts, unattractive women and lower-ranking men, at their ease with you. Sitting in silence can be uncomfortable and unpleasant, especially at a social event, and often those less socially skilled (or less socially desirable), individuals can be every bit as intelligent and interesting as their more superficially attractive colleagues.

However, self-deprecation is also dangerous, particularly for deltas and gammas, because it should NEVER be used as a way of attempting to gain either approval or sympathy, much less to generate attraction. While I am aware that Wounded Bird Game is a time-honored seduction tactic, it does not generate attraction, but relies upon the attraction already being present. To attempt to use it in order to generate attraction is a category error.

So, self-deprecation should only be used when you are dealing with people who appear to be uneasy or overwhelmed. Humorous self-deprecation is best, such as an incident when you behaved poorly, something unexpected happened, and you ended up looking ridiculous as a result.

For example, I was at an event where those around me had pretty much exhausted all the obvious topics that occurred to them within ten minutes. All very smart people, all international, but not exactly prom queens and football captains. So I told a story about Americans blundering abroad, which culminated in four very hungover college students urinating in the only patch of green they could find in Tokyo, only to discover, in mid-stream, that they were relieving themselves right next to a little old Japanese lady kneeling down and wearing a giant straw hat as she worked in her tiny garden. It was the worst American behavior since Vietnam!

The ice being completely broken, everyone laughed hard, but the real punchline followed when I told the guy sitting next to me, as if on an unrelated tangent, "You know, I've always wanted to visit (his country)".

He pretended to look horrified, of course, and said, "Please don't", which cracked everyone up again. After that we were all on a socially level playing field and the conversation flowed considerably more naturally.

So, there is a place for self-deprecation, but use it in order to make others more comfortable, not as a passive-aggressive way to make yourself look better, which it really doesn't do anyhow.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Delta Man: Gamma Humor

Vox asked me to write a follow up post about humor given the response to my previous post. I’m convinced that one of the reasons if not the main reason that Gammas constantly engage in snark, bad jokes, and cut-ups is for express reason of plausibly deniability of being wrong about something. The secondary reason is to indirectly take on men of higher ranks with as little chance of recourse as possible. 

Snide remarks – Gammas don’t make them towards attractive women ever and rarely against unattractive women. Why? Because it’s pure Game of trying to tear down men of other higher rank in their own manner. The Beta gives his instructions about something important (and of course the Gamma should really be in charge) and suddenly there’s a mumbled movie quote which is a shot at the Beta. If the Gamma is called on it he quickly replies, “Relax, I’m just joking.” If pressed. “No really.” (Panic starts to set in.) “I’m totally joking.”

Movie quotes – The Gamma has nothing really funny to say so he parrots something else which he found funny. He is so socially clueless he doesn’t think that perhaps other people in the world won’t find his humor so humorous. *squawk* “Come and see the violence inherent in the system.” *squawk* “He’s dead Jim. *squawk* “I’ll be back”. Once again if someone tells him to put a sock in it, “Relax, I’m just joking.”

It only spirals downward from there if a Gamma is given authority as they don’t know how to use it or when to use it. You’ll find a frustrating and weird use of humor about serious things from a Gamma boss, and when people as for clarification he’ll come back to “You’ll know when I’m serious.” Think about that for just a moment. It means an employee has to guess when a boss is serious about things. Who wants to work under those conditions? It is horrendous for moral and efficiency. This isn’t to say if you are a manager you can’t have a couple of employees which you can crack inside jokes with, but you can’t be flippant, or joke about anything of importance. This isn’t negotiable. You’ll have employees who loath you which is exactly why the Gamma does it in the first place, he wants people to like him.

It really comes back to the deep insecurity of the Gamma. Being “funny” all of the time gives him a way out, at least in his mind, of difficult situations. If you are insistent on trying to be “funny” all of the time you need to look good and hard at your motivations. Before you roll that movie quote off your tongue, before you make a snide remark about something catch yourself and ask, “Why?” Is this legitimately funny and appropriate, or am I doing it out of habit and fear of not being liked or wrong?

I have to include a paragraph about proper humor as I can hear the howls of protests from the Gammas. “You just want a boring, starched collar world of nothing!” No. Absolutely not. There are very few things better than hanging out with friends and family and having a good belly laugh about things. But if you think movie quotes, snide remarks, funny voices, and constant small jokes are equivalent you are clueless.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

You lack culture, noble sir

According to Anton Chekhov, anyhow:
They are sincere, and dread lying like fire. They don’t lie even in small things. A lie is insulting to the listener and puts him in a lower position in the eyes of the speaker. They do not pose, they behave in the street as they do at home, they do not show off before their humbler comrades. They are not given to babbling and forcing their uninvited confidences on others. Out of respect for other people’s ears they more often keep silent than talk.

They do not disparage themselves to rouse compassion. They do not play on the strings of other people’s hearts so that they may sigh and make much of them. They do not say “I am misunderstood,” or “I have become second-rate,” because all this is striving after cheap effect, is vulgar, stale, false….
Translation from the Russian: don't be Gamma.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Delta Man: A simple plan

I heard Milo Yiannopoulos mention yesterday there are three ways guys can improve their odds with women and every guy can do at least one of them.
  • Make a lot of money.
  • Be really funny.
  • Hit the gym and get a great physique.
I agree, but want to cover what this means in the real world. The most important thing to remember is that these things aren’t binary, as in you look like a Greek god or you are a fat-neckbeard.
  1. Money – This is by far the most reliable and simplest way to attract a women as they are naturally drawn to the security wealth can bring. In practical terms if you want women 5+ you need to have a middle class income or higher for your part of the world. It’s not a straight linear progression as you make more though. For instance if you made $40K this year and then $50K the next you aren’t going to see the same percentage of increase in female attraction. If you went from $40K to $100K all of the sudden things change dramatically. What you are really doing is moving social class from middle to upper-middle and it will show. If you make less than middle class income you are going to have to improve your life in another area if you want average women.
  2. Humor – Forget about it unless you are funny enough to reliably and consistently get a good belly laugh from your friends with your comments. Being funny is not being able to recite Monty Python on command to a woman. In all likelihood you are not funny, you will never be really funny and you should not choose this as a way to attract women.  I’d say it really only works if you are so damn funny that you might be able to be paid as an actor as a comedian, otherwise do not rely on it. What’s more important is that you don’t want to be a humorless ass who gives Debbie Downer a run for her money, nor do you want your “humor” to consist of geek and nerd culture references. I cannot overstate the last point enough, there are effectively zero women who will think your Star Wars, Star Trek, video game, or anime jokes are funny. If she does actually laugh though, be glad because she really likes you and is just putting up with your dorkiness—for the time being.
  3. Physique – This is arguably in the grasp of every man, but is also one of the most difficult when it comes to mental discipline and toughness. The good news is that everyone is fat now so if you get in good shape you really will stand out, the bad news is that you are probably fat too. Keep in mind that you just have to outrun the slowest guy if the bear is chasing you so if you improve yourself over the average guy your age you are already ahead. In case you missed the news, women like men you are in physically good shape and minimal body fat. You can argue all day why this is true, but ultimately it doesn’t matter, just accept they are attracted to it.
So maybe you can’t do any one of these three things really well? It doesn’t matter, try to get average in two of them, above average in the third, and it will pay dividends. Maybe you are fat, but you make good money and are actually kind of the jolly fat guy, it can work. I’ve seen it work. The jolly fat man with a nice bank account probably isn’t landing 7+, but can date and marry the 5-6.  Look to improve in the areas above to improve your chances with women.